Firewhiskey, shaken not stirred
by cannonator
Summary: " We don't have no martini"."Well in that case, I'll have the Firewhiskey, shaken not stirred". James Bond and Harry Potter meet at a pub and discuss Voldemort, the prophecy and a job offer. ONE SHOT.


**Firewhiskey, shaken not stirred.**

July 27th was a historic day for the village of Hogsmeade. It was the first time someone had got a muggle car to the village, so naturally, the villagers were curious. Men and women were glancing towards the streets, hoping to get a glimpse of it. Children were running around, trying to catch up with it. Aberforth Dumbledore was serving firewhiskey, he dint give a shit about cars.

Madam Rosemerta saw the car go round the corner, and stop in front of the hogs head. A man in his mid thirties, wearing a black muggle suit got down from the car, and entered the pub. 'Ooh, he's handsome' thought Rosemerta. 'And the car looks good too. I heard some muggleborn say it was an expensive one. Aston Martin, he called it'.

The man entered the dingy pub and looked around. There were only two people there, one looked underage, and the other was the bartender. He went and sat near the counter, next to the kid, and rapped the table with his knuckles. "I saw you coming in sonny, no need to break your bloody knuckles on my table. What would you like to have?". "One martini, shaken not stirred" said the stranger."We don't have no martini. Only Firewhiskey and butterbeer"."Well in that case, I'll have the Firewhiskey, shaken not stirred." He replied, looking around the bar. Aberforth put a bottle and a glass on the table and said "here's the whiskey and here's the glass, shake it yourself."

The stranger ignored the rude bartender and poured the amber liquid into the glass. He took a sip and turned around to face the kid next to him." Where exactly are we?" he asked. The kid put down his glass and turned towards him. He was drunk, no doubt about that. "You're in a pub. You know, the place where you get drunk and grieve for your dead godfather. And here I thought I was stupid". The stranger looked at the bartender for help. Aberforth shrugged, and went back to muttering under his breath.

The stranger turned towards the kid and asked "what's your name?""Harry Potter, and you? "" James bo.." but he was cut off before he could complete. "Dad! Your back! Did you get me some chocolate frogs?" shouted the kid. The stranger was shocked. 'I've slept with plenty of women, that's for sure. But if I did have a son, I'm sure he wouldn't be this old' he thought. He slapped the kid twice, and took away his glass "get a hold of yourself! I'm not your dad kid. My name is Bond, James Bond". Harry took a moment to clear his head and said "Oh, sorry about that. I think I had a tad too much Firewhiskey. So, hello Mr. Bond. What brings you to Hogsmeade? "." Vacation. That and my car broke down "replied Bond."Are you a muggle?" Harry asked, wide eyed." Is that supposed to be an insult?"."No! I mean are you, you know, uh.. non magical?"."The women think I'm pretty magical if that's what you mean. But if you mean wizard, then no, I'm not" said Bond. "How do you know about us?" asked harry. "I work for the government, and specialize in finding out secrets" replied Bond.

They sat in silence for a few minutes when Bond asked," so you lost your godfather eh? How did he die? "."He was killed by a terrorist called lord Voldemort and his follower Bellatrix Lestrange. He killed my parents too "." Oh, I'm sorry". After another round of uncomfortable silence Bond asked "You said terrorist organization. Do they, by chance, have anything to do with the large number of gas accidents happening around London?" asked Bond. "They have everything to do with it. Muggle hunting is their favorite past time." replied Harry. "So why doesn't your government do anything about it?"." They're trying. But there's a catch. You see, around 16 years ago an old hag prophesied that I would be the one to kill him, or the other way around. Personally, I think she was high, but it's proven to be accurate so far. One must die at the hands of another" Harry said with a sigh." So why don't you kill him? "asked Bond." Why don't I kill him he says. 'cause he's frigging immortal, that's why!" shouted Harry.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes. After he had finished his drink Bond asked," Look. Why don't we make a deal. I take care of Voldemort, and you help me with something". "It won't work. One must die at the hands of the other. That's what the prophecy says". "It could be interpreted in many ways. For example, if you hire a mercenary to kill him, Voldemort would still die at your hands, because you hired the mercenary" said Bond. "Are you a mercenary Mr. Bond?" asked Harry. "No, I'm an agent with the MI6. So what do you say? I'll kill him for you."

"And what do you want in return Mr. Bond?" asked Harry. "I want you to join the MI6" he replied. "Why? Why do you want me to join your agency?". "Because we desperately need a wizard, and you happen to be one. Besides, even muggles have heard of Harry Potter." Harry groaned on hearing that. "Also you get a good pay, free liquor, and the babes are absolutely gorgeous". "Do I get a car?" asked Harry. "Yes. You get to choose of course. I personally prefer Aston Martin. So what say you Harry Potter?". " Oh hell why not? I'm in. Let's shake on it" said Harry. "You need to sober up Harry. Let's get out of here." Bond said as he got up from his chair.

"Do you think I'll make a good agent?" asked Harry. "Why not? A wise woman once told me, orphans make the best agents". "Well I guess I'll see you when you finish the job". They gave a courteous nod to each other and walked in opposite directions.

'Stupid James Bond. A muggle defeating Voldemort? Not going to happen. He will die and I will have another death on my conscience. Nothing new' Harry sighed as he draped his invisibility cloak over himself, and started walking towards Hogwarts.

"Are you finished yet?" asked M. "Yes". "Well it sure took you long enough. Did he agree?". " Obviously. Send me the coordinates. I have an appointment later this evening" replied Bond as he disconnected the call.

**2 days later:**

Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger were sitting in the great hall, having their breakfast. "Oh look the owls are here" said Ron. Hermione untied the daily prophet from the owl's leg and paid it. "So, anyone we know dead?" asked harry. "Yes" replied a shocked Hermione. "Who?" "Look for yourself" she said as she passed on the paper to him. He read the headlines and nearly fainted.

**He-who-must-not-be-named Killed in a gas explosion!**

Harry slowly put down the paper and started walking towards the exit. "Where are you going?" shouted Ron. "Back to the dorms, to pack up. I'm leaving Hogwarts".


End file.
